Portugal drinking guide
By Edgar, the Peaceful

You've all been to Portugal on one occasion or another - and if you haven't, you should have - especially in Algarve, and have enjoyed our lovely beaches. Well, Algarve may be a fine place to go if you want sea and sun, but when it comes to drinking forget it. Besides being too expensive - maybe not for rich tourists, but us, lowlives as we are, can't afford getting really drunk there every night. So, what's the place to go then, you may ask, and very well. Well go on, ask. The answer is: ALENTEJO! That's right my friends, when it comes to drinking, don't mess with us without having an ambulance right there beside you. Because we DRINK.

Now, at your right, there's a coloured Portugal map, from White to Red, Red being the areas where more alcohol is consumed. As you can see, Algarve and the centre suck, while Alentejo and the North RULE! In Alentejo, there is also a critical area, in black. That's my area, right there. Here alcohol flows freely every night, and weekends are insane drinking orgies. Pias, my hometown, is Dionysus's second home. The booze is cheap and abundant, and in this small place, this forgotten realm between Serpa and Moura, is a true paradise on earth. There are almost as many bars, pubs and taverns as houses. We rule, no doubt about it.
  You may have noted by now, that there are no white areas in this map. Yep, that's my country, we lead the way in alcohol drinking, and we're proud of what we do. But some of you might be curious of what is drunk where, so, for a small lesson:
   In the North, people drink mostly white wine, sometimes red. It's also home for the famous Port wine.
   In the centre, especially Lisbon, don't go there. There's a lot of robbery, violence, and other hideous crimes, the worst of all being people drinking Martini Metz, Eristoff Ice, Bacardi Rigo, Vodka with Red Bull and Whisky with Soda. It's a creepy place, and one to be avoided by all the beer, tequila and pure Scots Whisky drinkers. It's also tremendously expensive.
   Alentejo. What more can I say about this paradise? All kinds of alcohol drinks can be found here at very low prices. It's clearly the best choice for boozing vacations. There are also bars in here that have huge glasses that carry about three and a half litres of beer, at a very low price.
   In Algarve, there's also the problem of modern drinks, but there's also a lot of beer, pints and all. Not bad, but a bit expensive, and people don't drink that much.
   So, in short, if you want to drink in Portugal, go to that black spot, and you'll probably find me completely wasted on a Saturday, shouting at the top of my lungs, "Jesus Christ was a Heavy Metal"! And that's that.

P.S.: I'll send a few pictures of me, in a week or so, so you can see how handsome I am.

Club Beer says: "Good work, Edgar! Now how about a few more drinking guides? Do you live in Greece, Latvia, Australia or somewhere else foreign? Send us a guide to getting blootered in your country and we'll post it up on the site. Who knows? Maybe one day we'll have enough to create the first Club Beer guide book. The dream starts here, friends. Avanti!"