Hello!
I am Jenna Bush, the famous over-privileged pisshead. When I'm not trying to pass myself as a 21-year-old in order to procure booze and then "feeling no pain" with said booze inside me, I'm often to be found surfing the intraweb, or whatever it's called, on one of those posh new Imacs we've blagged for the presidential ranch. Fancy that! Anyway, here are my favourite me-related sites. Click the pictures to "follow through", as it were. Ha ha!

Media Whores On Line
Not sure if I approve of the title of this one and I can't quite see why they've chosen something so rude for a few words about me, but that's Americans for you! Mad as fish, the lot of them. You should listen to the guff my father comes up with. He hasn't the faintest. It's hilarious. Anyway, enough about him, eh? Pint anyone?

Daily Sedative
Here's a good one. A news site about a press conference I gave back on April 30th, when I said ""I categorically deny underage drinking on my part... in the past 30 hours. Underage drinking is wrong, but I have no comment as to whether or not I drank underage more than 30 hours ago." And they say Americans don't appreciate irony! I kill myself sometimes, I really do.

Daily Beat
Now this is very very odd. Someone called Richard H Thomas (a likely story!) claims to have interviewed me and has posted a transcript of our supposed chat. I don't remember a thing about it, but I suppose it might be true. Hard to tell these days. I mean, it's hardly likely that someone on the net is going to make up a load of shite and then try and attribute it to me, that would be ridiculous. But still, the bit where I say "My dad always says, sometimes when you lay low like the banana slug you get to infest the whole garden, but only if you avoid the beer" puzzles even me. If anyone has any proof that this interview is real, please get in touch. Ta.

Corral Net
At last! The real important issues. None of this pesky booze and politics larks, just the big life-changing stuff. Corral Net member Liam posts a message under the heading "Jenna Bush is pretty" (that's me, everyone! He means me!), and says "You know, now I think back, there was a hot little number with Bush and his wife, back in '98 when Bush was re-elected Gov. of TX. It was one of his daughters, and she was wearing this little skirt that had a split almost to her waist, that was probably her!" Back in 98, of course, I was only 16, so I imagine Liam will go to the chair for this post. Still, thanks. Love you too.

That's it. The vaguely amusing Club Beer website is here, if you have a few seconds to kill and nothing better to do. If you've enjoyed this website, why not post something on the messageboard to let me and the guys know. And if you're really really really thick and slow off the mark (or American), then I guess I ought to state right here right now that I, Jenna Bush the character as portrayed on the Jenna Bush tribute site, has no connection whatsoever with the daughter of the American president George W Bush. My thoughts are not hers and hers not mine neither. If you see what I mean. I'm really a fat man in a shed in Swindon. In fact, everyone on the internet is actually a fat man in a shed in Swindon. We are the secret New World Order and we decide what's in, what's out, who's at war with who, and who goes to Number One and who doesn't. Ha! You didn't pick up on that one did you, Jon Ronson, with your stupid TV program, eh? All that time wasted on Icke and the lizards and the bloody Blanderburg group or whatever they're called. It's all a smokescreen you hear. The amassed ranks of fat men in their sheds in Swindon run the world really. Twas always thus and will be ever more.

Right, I'm off for a lie down.

jenna xxx