Isn't food great? You have to eat it at least three times a day to stay alive, it tastes fantastic and you can impress prospective lovers if you bribe the waiter in your local Italian to greet you like his long lost brother when you turn up for your first date. If beer was in solid form it would be food, no question. And like there are many types of beer for the myriad of different social occasions that life throws at us, then there's a selection of foodstuffs to enjoy depending on what you're up to.

Hoping to wow the lady/gent of your dreams when you finally ask them to yours for a candlelight tete a tete? Then you want Linda MxCartney's Footballl Sausage Hotpot! Planning to stay in with a bunch of mates and several six packs to watch some overpaid hooligans run around after an inflated piece of pig's bladder? Then Football Sausage Hotpot is the delicacy for you! Embarking on a month long journey to the South Pole in a bid to find a cure for lumbago and put an end to war, famine and the housing shortage in Bury St Edmunds? Remember to pack some portions of. . . you guessed it. . . Football Sausage Hotpot!

To prepare this taste sensation, simply follow our traditional recipe:

* Go to Safeways on the way home from work
* Buy some worthy things like vegetables, free range eggs and orange juice
* Walk past the Linda McCartney freezer on the way to the check out
* Feel a faint, nagging pang of desire
* Chuck five packets of Football Sausage Hotpot in your basket
* Run home
* Place in microwave, watch them cook, jigging up and down with excitement
* Consume slumped on sofa while watching "University Challenge"
* Cry like a small child

That's it. If you have any recipe suggestions of your own, email us at club-beer@bigfoot.com - and if you work for Linda McCartney Ltd, please don't sue us. We're not trying to profit from your brilliance. We simply want to pay tribute to what is surely the finest vegetarian fast food the world has ever seen.