I am Doorbitch. You may call me Miss Crissi.

Angus and Ian asked me to help out at their little club, and since I don't like the music enough to actually go inside, I thought I would accept their offer of cash. I get paid to watch people arrive, to take their money, and then wait for them to leave.

This month was my first stint with Club Beer, and I must say the scale of drinking was impressive. I could tell because people were not walking straight when they left. Next time, I might bring a spirit level and challenge people to stand upright - just for my own amusement.

You might think that doorbitching is boring - while everyone else is downstairs a-singin' and a-dancin' and a-fallin' over, I sit at the till with my chin in my hand waiting for the stragglers and strangers. Not a bit of it! While Angus and Ian were spinning their dire discs I was upstairs pursuing other interests: Josh and I had a snog; Jean-Claude and I played a round of consequences, and we had a bit of a dance (he's a very fine dancer). And of course there is the constant entertainment of the passing circus that is The General Public. As an added bonus, I found Josh's costermonger-style attempts to induce the weary home-bound commuter into Club Beer really rather sweet.

Anyway - enough about me, let's talk about you: Buy me a beer and I might give you a kiss.

(Polly and Gillian - I enjoyed your set. Jean-Claude is the bouncer)