MEN WITH BEARDS

What is it about a beard that makes a man seem sexy, sophisticated, suave and intelligent? All of the greatest thinkers and artists in history had beards.The Beatles. Socrates. Bach. Van Gogh. Rolf Harris. Even God Almighty himself is depicted with a long flowing beard. It is the mark of a man who's a cut above, who doesn't feel the need to be part of 21st century society, who's content to carve his own way through life without recourse to shaving cream and razor.

Here, as a mark of respect and a tribute to those brave souls that inspired Club Beard, we present the official Club Beer Men With Beards Top Five.

UNCLE JESSE FROM "THE DUKES OF HAZZARD"

Uncle Jesse never seemed to have a sense of humour in "The Dukes Of Hazzard" and that was the kind of thing we at Club Beer respected when we were nine years old. A few years later we'd be confused and distracted by the affect Daisy Duke's dungarees would have on us, but in 1980 we were happy with the absolutes: Luke and Bo were the coolest dudes onthe planet, Boss Hog was fat and funny, and Uncle Jesse had a beard and no sense of humour. We liked it then and we like it now. Peace.

BRIAN BLESSED

Brian Blessed was always shouting when we were kids, like he had his scripts typed in capital letters. We went to see "Hamlet" on a school trip and his Claudius yelled and hollared his way through every stanza. Our teacher hated him but a bond was formed that day. After that, he made classic appearences in "Flash Gordon" (best line: "I'VE BEEN WINGED!") and the first episode of "BlackAdder" and our love grew and grew. Bow down. The man is a genius.

ZZ TOP

You'll never believe this, right, but see the bloke on the left without a beard. Guess what he's called? Frank. Hahahaha! Amazing, isn't it? ZZ Top had legs and they knew how to use them, but more importantly they had chins and they knew how to cultivate ridiculous thatches of hair on them. Their music redefined cool in the mid Eighties and their videos had lots of leggy ladies in them, so all the spotty adolescents tuning in were happy. Still, eh? Frank! Hahahahahhahahahahaha!

LUCIANO PAVAROTTI

El Luce or "The Pav" as we prefer to think of him sung "Nessum Dorma" during some sort of sporting event a few years back and we've liked him ever since. He's reputed to have a toilet on either side of the stage when he plays live, and is meant to consume plates of pasta and use said toilets mid performance. Elvis never managed that, did he? We're not sure he'd approve of Club Beer if he came down as he's more of an opera type, but we reckon "Uptown Girl" would get him on the floor, no bother.

FRANK DOBSON

As Club Beer mailing list members will know, we blagged our way into Ken's party on the mayoral election night and were called "wankers" for being so pissed. Frank didn't do so well sadly and the next day we sent him an email telling him how much we respected him and advising him to keep his "chin up". He hasn't replied to us yet but we're sure he will. He's nice like that. This picture sees him in the front of the London Eye. We went up in it the other day and couldn't go near the edges or down the end with the door, we were so scared. When Club Beer is elected London Mayor, all buildings higher than one storey will be demolished. Apart from Centre Point. We like that.

That's about it for men with beards. If you want to see anyone else included or the list expanded to, say, ten men with beards, then drop us a line. We'll also be doing a women with beards pages, as soon as we can think of enough. Once again, feel free to nominate your friends, members of your family, or even yourself.